4 Comments

unpleasant anniversaries…

Dear mum,

It has been nearly 12 months since you departed this life, and even though you won’t be reading these words I thought I would write them anyway.

I have never understood why people focus on the anniversary of a tragedy or something unpleasant, and I have been trying to prepare myself to not be one of those people. I am ok with reflecting and remembering a date and its significance, but I wanted to ensure I wasn’t one who dredges up awful feelings like it happened yesterday and grieve all over again. Having said that, it’s proving to be difficult.

I think about you all the time, and I kept my promise, I am still talking to you. And I can mostly still hear your answers (funnily enough your answer is usually BBQ chicken).  I try to celebrate you and your life, especially when I am flicking through the Dictionary of Cooking and see your handwritten notes and inserts. But I can’t help but feel that pang of sadness that I will never hear your voice again other than in my memories and dreams, and will never read newly structured words in your handwriting on paper on a parcel containing something crazy.

I will never hear another voicemail with ‘Hi, it’s me mum, just wondering what you are doing, and what you are having for dinner tonight…’. I must have heard that 1000 times and got a kick out if it every time.

So I guess its safe to say I am sad. But not unhappy sad.  I am happy I still hear you, still talk to you, and can still get cooking tips and dinner ideas from you (cue BBQ chicken). I am happy that I see your face in photographs of myself, something becoming more evident over time and something I had never really considered before.

I have a lot to be thankful for because of you.

Dear mum, I miss you like crazy and I wish I could tell you about the raccoon that stole our garbage bag while camping up north. Or about the amazing culinary delights we experience, or my kitchen failures that are worthy of a glass of wine and a chuckle.  I wish I could tell you about my study as I know we would have had some amazing conversations about it, and you would have those ideas that would inspire me.  I am sorry it took me so long to figure it out, you were right! I wish I could tell you how right you were.

Thanks mum. And don’t worry, Lee is always taking great care of me.

Anna

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4 comments on “unpleasant anniversaries…

  1. Amazing Anna really lovely. Good on you Lib for having such a great family !!!!! Joan xxx

    Joan Laing Financial Controller Spectak International Australia Tel: +61 (0)419 625 888 Fax: + 61 2 8580 6233

    From: team desouza Reply-To: team desouza Date: Fri, 28 Jun 2013 14:24:37 +0000 To: Joan Laing Subject: [New post] unpleasant anniversaries

    teamdesouza posted: “Dear mum, It has been nearly 12 months since you departed this life, and even though you won’t be reading these words I thought I would write them anyway. I have never understood why people focus on the anniversary of a tragedy or something unpleasa”

  2. This is just so amazingly touching and beautiful, Anna 🙂 xxx

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